I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
