I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
