I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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