That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
