You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
