he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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