Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
