Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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