oh god the rape fog is back!
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
