So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
