your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Sacagawea was the original milf.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Your cock deserves a montage
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
