Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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