remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
