It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
