Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
