Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
