whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
P.S. I can't hear my feet
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
