Already got asked if we're dating
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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