An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
