I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
