apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
