I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
