right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
