It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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