So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
