Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
