Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
