We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
