i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
