im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
