So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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