Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
