So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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