Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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