They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
How does one acquire holy water?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
