i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
