I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
