Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
