the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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