My hand turned me down
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
