I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
