after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
