I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
