I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Just cropdusted the office
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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