Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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