I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
