State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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