Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
