hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
