32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Randomize
