You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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